Friday 7 October 2011

People Like Me...

As a few people out there may already know, I’m currently working on being more “zen” and stressing out about things a lot less. Serenity, courage, wisdom and all that. The idea is to remember that reviews, schedules and everything else will happen no matter what I do, and I just need to learn to live with it. Mostly, I’m doing okay with my zen-ness, but there are still a few pet hates I have issues with. One of them is the phrase “MM stories are written by straight women, for straight women”, which will probably become clear pretty soon.

A little while ago, my zen-ness completely deserted me. I was reading a random thread on a Goodreads group. I want to be clear from the start, that the group I’m talking about is an awesome group – supportive, welcoming, open hearts and open minds all around. So when I came across a group of comments (from people who identified as both gay and straight) saying that bisexuals don’t exist – that they are either gay and in denial or straight and trying to look cool – I’ll admit my response involved quite a few tears on my part.

The group’s mods stepped in and quickly made it clear that all sexualities would be respected in the group, and did a great job of getting the thread back on to topic. But I still felt as if I’d been physically punched in the face. Bigotry in all its forms has always got to me, but this time it was a bit more personal than most.

I’m a pretty private person by nature. I’ve mentioned on blogs in the past that I’ve had a few health issues – but only after it became clear to me that there was no other way I could explain the decisions I was making regarding my writing.

I’m not an open person. I’m not a natural blogger. But I’m putting those facts to one side today to blurt out in a completely random post that I am bisexual. Since I read those Goodreads posts, it’s felt increasingly important for me to say that.

Is it important for anyone to know that when they read my books? Nope.

Is it important for anyone who has ever read bi-phobic comments on the internet to know they’re not as alone as I felt that night? Maybe it is.

Bi-invisibility isn’t something I’ve thought about a lot until recently. I’m not dating or really looking for anyone at the moment. So, in some ways, I’d filed my own sexuality away as unimportant. I’ve realised now that I was wrong to do that. It makes it seem like I’m ashamed of the fact I don’t care if the person I fall in love with is a man or a woman, and that’s not true.

So, to bring me back to where I started this post…

My particular MM stories, just like the MF, FM, FF or ménage stories I write, are written by a single, female, bisexual submissive. And they are, first and foremost, written for people like me.

Anyone who wants to read them – male/female/gay/straight/(insert whatever you like here) is more than welcome to read them. If you like visiting a world where things tend to be sweet as well as sexy, or cute as well as kinky, then as far as I’m concerned, you are “people like me”. Come on in, you’re more than welcome, and no one is going to check you for labels at the door.


Chris said...


I think you're very brave. I remember that thread - I'd like to hope that the commenters who said those things had their minds opened by the ensuing discussion...

And that whole "by straight women etc" thing? Is silliness. I can think of quite a few gay men and lesbians who write m/m romance.

People are people. :)

Kim Dare said...

*Hugs back - hard* :)

Thank you!

It would be nice to believe that the discussion at least made people think twice about their views.

Yep - and I for one almost always get it wrong about which ones are which, lol.


Lucia said...

It's very brave to post about this. I can see how it can hurt a person reading that bisexuality doesn't excist according to some people, when you are bisexual youself. It probably will still take a lot of time for all sorts of people to be accepted, even by people who feel like they are so accepting now. A friend of mine is bisexual and even though I don't totally understand it because I'm straight, I do respect it and I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to love someone no matter what gender.
And I agree with Chris, that written by straight women is just silliness ;)

Kim Dare said...

Hi Lucia :)

Thank you for your post - and for your encouragement.

I think things are getting better slowly.

Silly is the perfect word for it :)



Anonymous said...

I think you're awesome and brave. Your stories are wonderful and they got me started reading and writing m/m erotic romance.

Kim Dare said...


Thanks for reading and commenting.

I hope you're enjoying writing in the genre as much as I am :D


Kim Dare

Sassy said...

I read a tag by an author that said she was a gay man trapped in a woman's body and I thought how perfectly that describes me.

The reality I think most people refuse to accept is there is no "normal", no "one-size-fits-all".

Male, female or other, humans are sexual beings, period.

I have had relationships with both sexes and there was something special about them all.

I hope you are feeling better sweetie.