Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Word of the week: Kink (and the One True Way)

Depending on your definition, kink can mean anything that isn't vanilla or it can mean anything related to BDSM.

I'm going to work on the theory that not everyone knows what all abbreviations stand for, so I'm going to put down the full versions as a starting point.

BDSM - Bondage and Disciple. Dominance and Submission. Sadism and Masochism. (All these words will get their own week in due course *Grin*.)

Other things that might be included under the kinky umbrella depending on where you draw your lines - voyeurism, exhibitionism, fetishes, role play, multiple partners, partners which aren't your usual gender of preference, (fill in your own kinky preference here)...

I can be a pretty long list. There's a reason why it needs to be a long list.

The One True Way - it doesn't exist.

There is no right way or wrong way to kink. The only limit I would put in place is that whatever happens has to be either SSC (Safe, sane and consensual) or RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) depending on your abbreviation of choice. Basically, everyone involved has to have given their full and informed consent to whatever is going to take place. (Which also means they have to be over the age of consent, by the way.)

If everyone is enjoying it, whatever they want to do is fine with me. Unfortunately, a lot of people can't say the same. You'll find a lot of people believe that their way is the right way and that anyone who does things differently isn't doing it right - their way is the One True Way.

You're not a proper submissive unless you... You're not a true master if you don't...

I don't believe in that sort of idea, and you won't find that in my books. My characters are individuals, with their own tastes and kinks, they don't agree with each other on everything.

Here's a little example, with quotes taken from two of my stories - each is spoken by the dominant.

Character A - “The moment you put your name to this contract, you will call me sir whenever we are alone together – no exceptions.”

Character B - “No (you won't call me sir). I don’t need someone to pat me on the head and tell me I’m dominant. I know I am. My surname will do nicely. You’ll call me Quinn while you wear the collar.”

It's a little thing, I know, but there are people out there who really believe that if a dominant doesn't demand that his lover call him by a title, they aren't a real dominant.

Another common one (specifically for m/m stories) is that dominants don't bottom, submissives don't top. In my stories, it isn't always that simple. It's about the individual characters and not what someone else thinks.

I suppose this leads on quite nicely to what kink means in my books.

It's very simple.

I define my story as BDSM or Kink if the relationship between the two main characters is based on dominance and submission.

Sometimes it's a very formal arrangement - they live the whole lifestyle together and the submissive has agreed to submit to the dominant 24/7. Some times it's just about who calls the shots and who wears the handcuffs during sex. But it's the D/s dynamic that most important to me, what defines the story for me.

What else do I write about?

Bondage to a greater or lesser extend turns up in most of the books in one form or another, but not in all of them.

Discipline makes an appearance as and when it fits the story line.

S&M doesn't turn up quite so often, and (with one or two exceptions) it's usually very mild when it does. When it is more hard core, it's because that's what they both enjoy.

It's probably easier to take each thing one at a time when I go through the different words - or this post is going to turn into an epic.

So that's what I'm going to do next.

Tune in next Wednesday for an over view of Bondage and how it's used in my books. See you then.


Other news:

I've finished extending Sealing the Deal into a novella. I think it needs at least two edits through before I can print it out.

Fair play is turning into a nice little story, should finish it by the end of the month, maybe earlier if editing the other one doesn't take up all my time.


Merc said...

Fascinating post, Kim, thanks!

I don't think there's really a "One True Way" for a lot of things... so I completely agree with you on the kink (or whatever else) should depend on the characters and their preferences.

Looking forward to more!


Bronwyn Green said...

I'm with Merc - I don't believe there's One True Way for pretty much anything and if people would realise that, the world might be a happier place.

Excellent post, btw - I can't wait 'til you get more in depth.

Kim Dare said...

Thanks for dropping by, guys :)

Now if we could just convince the rest of the world that we're right about the one true way not existing...